Why traveling with your partner can ‘make or break’ your relationship
- Traveling with your partner can reveal existing differences in personalities, habits and communication styles.
- From your personal travel preferences to how you handle stressful circumstances like flight disruptions, traveling is an eye-opener.
- While things can end poorly for some couples, those who end up a better team from traveling forge a deeper bond along the way.
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Sebastian Garrido didn’t think he and his girlfriend’s trip to Disney World would end up more like a “living nightmare.”
The 2019 trip was the first time the couple of nearly a year were traveling together. They didn’t live together, so this trip was a chance for them to get to know each other on a deeper level.
“We really didn’t know each other and our pet peeves and all that,” the Mexico City-based digital marketing manager told USA TODAY. Still, he looked forward to the trip.
That changed quickly.
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During the trip, he noticed she treated the wait staff at restaurants poorly and was messy – “in a way you can’t be in a hotel,” he said. He said she was also mean to him about his snoring, even cursing at him when she was upset.
“It was really difficult,” he said. “It was like the bubble broke.”
Garrido concedes he had some hesitations about their relationship before the trip, but their time in Orlando was “a breaking point.”
Shortly after the trip, Garrido initiated a breakup, and his girlfriend agreed they weren’t a good match. The couple parted ways. Looking back, he’s grateful for the trip. “In some way it was a positive experience; at least I saw how she really was.”
As Garrido experienced with his then-girlfriend, traveling with your partner is an important compatibility test. You and your partner are now spending 24/7 together, navigating new cultures and places, and making decisions under pressure.
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“No matter how long you’ve been together … when you are traveling together, it’s a new situation, and things come up that you’ve not dealt with as a couple,” said Dr. Michele Nealon, a clinical psychologist from The Chicago School with decades of experience in relationship dynamics. “They see a new side of you, and you see another side of the other person.”
From your personal travel preferences to how you handle stressful circumstances like flight disruptions, traveling together can reveal existing differences in personalities, habits and communication styles – possibly even revealing some deal-breakers.
Though things can end poorly for some couples, those who end up a better team from traveling forge a deeper bond along the way.
“I really think that traveling with your partner is essential to get to know them,” Garrido said. “You don’t really know the person, unless you live with them, if you don’t travel together.”
Managing expectations
Incompatibility can start to show before the trip even begins, especially if people have different definitions of travel. While one person might view vacation as a time to unwind and lie by the pool for hours on end, the other could want a packed schedule of exploring and sightseeing.
“If you’re traveling as a couple and your partner does not yield to your preferences, you can feel overlooked,” Nealon said. “It can be very difficult to manage emotions like that in the moment.”
Dr. Nealon recommends couples build an itinerary together so they can agree on what to do. It can be like blocking off downtime in the morning while being more active for the rest of the day or going sightseeing all day one day and then relaxing the next. They can also refer to the itinerary if a conflict arises.
“Plan for different levels of energy,” she said. “If you don’t talk about it, understand and accept the other person, you’re not going to have the needed flexibility when you’re on the spot.”
Another place where a couple may struggle in planning a trip together is one that can generally cause problems in relationships: finances. “Money can be a huge stress, especially if there’s a difference in salaries or philosophies. It can make or break long-term compatibility,” Nealon said. Going over a budget for the trip can get couples on the same page. “You need clear communication and compromise up front.”
Under pressure
From lost luggage to flight cancellations, travelers can always expect the unexpected. The way people handle those often unpleasant situations can test a couple’s compatibility “on a whole new level,” as Nealon put it.
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“How a couple manages these uncertainties can not only impact your travel experience … but can really cause conflict and hurt feelings that carry over to resentment.”
But there is a silver lining to these stresses: They are a chance to see how well you can work together as a team. “Look at us − we work together and support each other, and that can really strengthen a bond and relationship,” she said.
To help couples navigate these high-pressure moments, Nealon advises practicing mindful communication. Instead of making assumptions about your partner’s thoughts or feelings, focus on having an open dialogue. When both partners remain calm and communicate well together, they can work together to find solutions.
A stronger bond
Though challenges often arise during a trip, traveling with your partner can be incredibly rewarding. “Memories get created, and later in the relationships, they become stories, and those stories reinforce the specialness of a relationship,” Nealon said.
Individually, travel offers people a chance for personal growth. For couples, it’s a chance to also strengthen the relationship. A 2024 survey of 470 people found that couples who went on vacation and experienced something new together reported higher levels of romantic and physical intimacy, along with greater relationship satisfaction.
That was certainly the case for Corey Lanum, who went on a ski trip with his girlfriend just a few months after they met in 2006.
On their first day on the slopes, Lanum said, his girlfriend, who was the better skier, was trying to show off.
“She tried to do one of those slides where you spray snow all over the place,” and in the process, she tore her ACL, he told USA TODAY.
In the aftermath, Lanum said, he spent time taking care of her in Salt Lake City, then helped her get home to Washington, D.C. Three years later, the two got married.
Lanum said his now-wife said she was embarrassed about what happened on their first trip together, but he said it was a good bonding experience for them both in the end.
“You have to get it out of the way early and make sure you have similar habits and can behave well while you’re traveling,” he said.
Nealon agreed that traveling together can be a good way for partners to deepen their connection with each other if they’re on the same page.
“Together, you are experiencing new cultures and perspectives, and the beauty of it is when you’re experiencing it together, you’re actually growing the relationship together. That’s what relationships are all about.”
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