The Black Girl’s Guide To Travel: I Went To Bali To Take Part In A Day Of Silence

Bali is a place of great adventure. Its lush surroundings make it known as a place where many, including myself, come for a reset. Arriving at the Ayana Estate, I aimed to take time to learn about the culture and try to hit the pause button. I wanted a short break from life and its many problems. I was stressed from every angle — work, the news cycle, and life in general. I was burnt out from running the rat race, and it was affecting me physically and mentally.

I heard that Bali was a good place to heal such woes, and once I entered my small villa and saw a gigantic bathtub waiting with a view of the Indian Ocean, I knew I was off to a great start to doing just that.

But what was special during this trip was that it came at a special time. I arrived on the island as the festivities for Nypei were kicking off. The Balinese holiday commemorates the start of the Hindu new year, which is when people take the time to stop, reflect, and rest.

The property had much to offer its guests, from the sandy Kubu Beach to its savory restaurants and, most recently, a night club. But what captured my curiosity the most was the Saka Museum. Inside, several traditional art pieces tell the story of Bali and its religious lore. Even though Indonesia is a majority Muslim country, the locals practice Balinese Hinduism, which combines traditional Hinduism with animism, which is the belief that all things are animated and have a spiritual essence.

Nyepi follows the Balinese calendar and always takes place after the dark moon of the spring equinox, usually falling sometime between March and April. The day before is known as the Pengrupukan Day or the noise before the silence. On the property, a rousing troupe led the people with the sound of drums in the air and the carrying of statues representing Hindu spirits in what’s known as the Ogoh-Ogoh parade. The rest of the day was filled with a grand feast and cultural dances before noise slowly dissipated as the night went on.

The next day, the morning of Nyepi, I woke up to a deafening silence. I stepped outside onto the private terrace, still wrapped up in my blanket. The sun was hidden behind the fog, and even nature itself had fallen quiet. During this time, the entire island comes to a standstill. Even the airport doesn’t allow flights to come in or take off. The port, businesses, and even popular tourist attractions are all closed. There is little to no movement outside. You’re supposed to spend more time indoors, as the point is to settle into the silence. You cannot use any electric items, including cell phones, laptops, and even lamps. You’re not supposed to engage in any activity that involves noise, including talking to others. Nothing. The purpose is to make the land so quiet that you can hear the word of God. Grammy-winning singer SZA recently took part in a whole 10-day silent retreat, her experience in India, and lauded it for the solitude she says she found within.

For me, it was frightening initially, being unable to hear anything for miles around you. But then I closed my eyes and let myself take in the stillness, remembering everything I had learned the day before, and welcomed it. During the day, I mostly roamed about the small quarters and stopped on occasion to gaze at the sky and ocean. You’re supposed to create a deeper spiritual connection within the silence, which is usually done through meditation, praying, and/or fasting. Now and then, my hand would twitch, itching to check my phone or go on some device, but I fought back. It was uncomfortable allowing myself to do nothing. I was so used to keeping busy that doing nothing almost felt shameful. But as the day went on, calmness took over.

There were intrusive thoughts, but no anxiety about the future; it was just me and this moment of peace. I never realized how loud my mind was until everything became quieter around me. Even when everything had shut down around me, I didn’t realize the noise created from intrusive thoughts brought on by bouts of anxiety had become normal in my everyday life. Finding a way to go inward would help me cope with life’s strain in a much different way, which has come in handy lately.

Black women are more likely to experience high levels of stress due to lived experiences and racism, which can lead to significant health problems. And many of us, about 92 percent, have been trying to cope with immense dismay and stress since last November. That’s when we collectively watched Vice President Kamala Harris, a qualified Black woman whom we voted for in droves, lose the presidential election to Donald Trump. I remember waking up in the morning to hear the results, and a pain hit my heart. As tears came to my eyes, I realized I wasn’t angry — I was disappointed. I was frightened. I remember being loud with rage the first time he was elected in 2016. But this time, I had no space for it. I didn’t want this to consume me further. Like many other Black women, I chose myself first and decided to rest. My priority wasn’t to lead the charge and add further anxiety onto my plate — it was to protect and preserve my sanity, and I’ve continued to do so during what has already been an unstable time.

I saw a phrase in the museum in Bali that said, “Silence is the mirror of your soul,” part of an old poem, and now I understand what it meant. When the world falls on deaf ears, the silence reveals everything happening. In times like these, I remember that day of silence. I remember that peaceful quiet and how soothing it felt. As I did that day, I recall that taking on the world’s problems isn’t my responsibility. What was important then and now is that I honor my spirit, protect it, and treat myself gently. Most of all, I learned that I was deserving of tranquility and not to fear that silence but embrace the power that comes with leaning into it.