When should you take a romantic trip together? Therapists reveal how to enjoy your first holiday with a new partner

Are you and your new partner really ready for a romantic getaway?

Read more: Top five destinations for Kiwi couples in 2023.

Licensed therapist and dating expert Michelle Herzog reveals the answer in an interview with travel magazine Travel + Leisure by explaining the concept of comfort levels.

According to Herzog, taking a trip together can be a valuable test of your relationship’s future. It reveals how you handle stress, privacy challenges, and the overall travel experience as a couple.

Comfort levels play a significant role because they reflect how secure and at ease you both feel in the relationship.

Some couples develop it quickly, while for others, it may take a little longer to reach the point where you’re both comfortable enough to navigate potential challenges together.

Though it may vary for people and for couples, the dating expert reveals that “a lot of folks report feeling comfortable and confident in their relationship around the six-month mark.”

Licensed marriage and family therapist Omar Ruiz shares the same sentiment with Travel + Leisure and provides some advice for those who want to travel with their partner.

The family therapist recommends discussing a potential trip three months in, allowing time to plan for a getaway around the six to seven-month point, when comfort levels are likely higher.

To ensure a successful trip, three relationship experts, Herzog, Omar Ruiz, and Annalise Oatman, shared six key tips with Travel + Leisure.

Communication is key

Be open and honest with each other, especially when it comes to your preferences and boundaries.

Before your trip, discuss your expectations and concerns. Talk about the type of experience you want to have, whether it be a relaxing getaway or a thrilling one. List down the things that you want to do, and discuss them together. Understand what experiences you want to do together, and the things that you can do on your own. Being on the same page will help avoid misunderstandings and ensure you both enjoy the trip.

Effective communication doesn’t stop with planning. Make sure you check in with your partner throughout the trip to ensure you’re both having a great time.

Talk about finances

While preparing for the trip, don’t be afraid to let your partner know how much money you’re willing to spend. Money can be an embarrassing and sensitive topic, but agreeing on a budget can set you and your partner up for success.

Be upfront about how you will split the expenses. Will you split everything 50-50? Or will you divide them based on income? You can also discuss strategies like allocating one of you to pay for flights and the other for accommodation. It’s also wise to set aside a budget you can use for emergency situations.

Be flexible

No matter how well you prepare and plan, sometimes things still go wrong. Flights get delayed, restaurants are fully booked, or the weather doesn’t co-operate.

Know and accept there are a lot of factors which can affect your vacation. Adamantly sticking to the plan can lead to tension between you and your partner. These problems can easily cause problems in your relationship and stressful situations can turn you against one another.

Herzog reminds couples, “This means leaning on compromise, communicating openly, and checking in throughout your trip to ensure you’re both getting what you want.”

If something doesn’t go as planned, take it in your stride and look for alternative activities or solutions together.

Understand each other’s travel style

Everyone has a unique travel style. Some prefer lounging by the beach, while others thrive on jam-packed schedules of sightseeing. It’s a bit tricky when you and your partner have different styles, but it’s not impossible to curate an experience both of you can enjoy.

Licensed clinical social worker Annalise Oatman also shared tip with Travel + Leisure: “Figure out in advance if one of you is more of a planner than the other.”

Some couples comprise both the “detail-oriented planner” and the “spontaneous traveller”, but it’s always easier to know who can take the lead at certain parts of the trip (or altogether).

It’s harder when you’re both planners, since giving up control to someone else can feel tricky. It’s equally hard if both are spontaneous travellers, since one has to eventually take the lead. It’s better to set your expectations regarding these types of situations to avoid resentment towards each other.

Oatman reminds couples, “Understanding each other’s approaches to stretches of ‘free time’ can set you up to approach your vacation time together in a way that supports everyone’s needs and personality style.”

Know how to manage your stress and anxiety

“Have a plan for managing your own stress and anxiety during the trip, should it arise (and it probably will at some point),” Oatman advises.

At the end of the day, stress is your own responsibility. Whether it’s taking a few deep breaths, going for a walk, or finding a quiet moment to decompress, knowing how to regulate your stressors can prevent you instead lashing out at your partner.

Support your partner

Being aware of your partner’s stress triggers and offering support when needed can make the experience manageable for both of you.

Marriage and family therapist Ruiz tells Travel + Leisure, “It’s best to make sure the couple comes up with a plan on how they can best support their partner in the event things don’t go as planned. This will help lessen the risk that this trip becomes the couple’s last.”

Remember, the goal of the trip is to enjoy each other’s company and create lasting memories. Small gestures of support can make a big difference.

Buy your partner’s favourite snack. Give them a hug. Take charge of a stressful situation. Travelling can be overwhelming, but knowing you have someone to trust eases everything.

Lastly, Herzog reminds couples to empathise with each other. “Remember, this is a big first step for both of you. There may be some nervousness going into an adventure like this, so practising empathy and [checking] in with each other is important.”